I know I've mentioned before that our daughter has a heart condition, but I've never explained the condition. She has two holes in her heart, a VSD and an ASD. Artial Septal Defect (ASD), is a hole in the upper chambers of the heart. Kids with an ASD have an opening in the wall (septum) between the atria. As a result, some oxygenated blood from the left atrium flows through the hole in the septum into the right atrium, where it mixes with oxygen-poor blood and increases the total amount of blood that flows toward the lungs. The increased blood flow to the lungs creates a swishing sound, know as a heart murmur. Harli's ASD is about 6mm and her Pediatric Cardiologist said based on her file that she will need to have that repaired soon after coming home. The surgery should be able to be taken care of in the Cardiac Cath Lab. But.....she has another hole....
The Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD) is a hole in lower chambers of her heart. In a healthy heart, blood that returns from the body to the right-sided filling chamber (right atrium) is low in oxygen. This blood passes to the right-sided pumping chamber (right ventricle), and then travels to the lungs to receive oxygen. The blood that has been enriched with oxygen returns to the left atrium, and then to the left ventricle. It's then pumped out to the body through the arota, a large blood vessel that carries the blood to the smaller blood vessels in the body. The right and left-sided pumping chambers (ventricles) are separated by shared wall, called the ventricular septum. Kids with a VSD have an opening in this wall. As a result, when the heart beats, some of the blood in the left ventricle (which has been enriched by oxygen from the lungs) is able to flow through the hole in the septum into the right ventricle. In the right ventricle, this oxygen-rich blood mixes with the oxygen-poor blood and goes back to the lungs. Her VSD is 8mm, due to the location and her age she will probably need open heart surgery to repair both of the holes.
We started this journey not knowing what would take place. When you adopt through the Special Needs program you complete some paperwork that tells the adoption agency what needs you would be open to. During the home study you research those needs extensively. Even though we listed more than one need, we knew our little girl would have a heart condition.
On March 23, 2012 our lives were forever changed. I was feeling upset and overwhelmed by life and was discussing our adoption with my husband. I had the computer open and we were doing some research about some things we were going through at the time. Honestly, I was so close to giving up on the adoption or putting it on hold I was so upset. Just as those words came out of my mouth and email popped up from our agency. The email contained Harli's pictures and file. Her file was only about four pages that were in English. Not much info. We weren't expecting a referral for months! It caught my attention, but I quickly dismissed her as not our daughter. She was three and I had my heart set on a child as young as possible (around one).
For months I had prayed that God would show us our daughter through a date, her birthday. Troy knew I was doing this and he thought (and said) 'that will never happen'. I wholeheartedly believed that our great God would show me the date. I'd prayed that her birthday would be 10/03 which would be in sequence with Troy, 10/1, and our third child, 10/2. Or that it would be one of our Grandfathers birthdays (they have all passed). Troy said 'it will never happen that way, what are the chances'. So, as we're looking through this file - me doubting - there's her birthday, clear as can be.....10/3. WOW. I almost had to pick Troy up out of the floor!
Troy knew this was our daughter and it didn't matter that her heart condition was more complex than we originally discussed, it didn't matter that she is only four months younger than our twins (basically giving us virtual triplets). Normally you only get 48 hours to accept a referral. She was on our agencies Individual list and we were next in line, even though we had only completed the paperwork for under 18 months the agency felt like they must contact us with this referral. The agency was also waiting on an update since her heart echo was old so we had time to think about her referral for a while. It took about a week to get the update. I still wasn't sure this was our daughter, but I contacted two Pediatric Cardiologists about her. They both had pretty much the same thing to stay. The biggest concern is her lungs - just concerned that her heart condition could have or be causing damage to her lungs. But, while I was in the second Dr's office asking questions - like a million questions and tearing up thinking about this little girls heart - something happened....something big. Being the me that I am, I apologized to the Dr. for being so emotional and asking so many questions - after all, he wasn't charging me anything for the visit or review of her file. His response hit me like a brick wall, he said 'it's okay, you just sound like her mother'. It was like someone slapped me back into reality - I WAS her mother. I had been her mother of the past two weeks since we first saw her picture. I just didn't want to change MY plan. In that moment I had to surrender to God's plan. I knew I was never going to be able to return that file - that's why I still had it, was still praying over it and starring at her pictures. We were in love with this little girl, she was the one that God had chosen to be our daughter.
I know some don't believe in signs, but through this whole process God has re-confirmed that we're on the right path. For our Homestudy we only listed ages 0-2 and our agency wouldn't approve our Homestudy until we changed it to 0-3. Now we know why, God had a plan. We stepped out in faith for this adoption and He has been there all the way. I know that He will be with us as we bring Harli home and work through her medical needs. We're at peace with whatever is to come.
My post title is 'broken hearts' because our hearts are breaking for some close friends of ours. We chose to bring this little girl with a broken heart into our lives. We were prepared to have a child with a heart condition long before being faced with her referral and talking about surgeries. Our friends went to a regular prenatal appointment that led to the news about their sons broken heart, due to Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Katie will deliver their son later this month and he will need surgery right away. That will only be the start. They also have another son that will soon be turning one. We know that God will also be walking with them. Our prayer is that they feel the peace that we do. We pray for a miracle. You can follow their story here - http://coltonsjourney.weebly.com/mommys-updates.html
Please pray for our friends and baby Colton. Please read their story and if you are able, please consider making a donation. Their bills will be high and Katie has had to quit her job in order to care for the baby. A few years ago, during our greatest time of need, they were there for us. They loved on our kids while Troy was in the hospital and were there for me during Troy's surgery. They are true examples of what friendship is. Please consider sending their link to your friends and family or posting it on your blog.
For Zac & Katie:
For Zac & Katie:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:27
